Car Crash
by Nakii-Ilylac
Summary: After 3.17 It was like watching a car crash and not being able to do anything about it. That’s the way it felt for Chuck watching Blair from across the room.


It was like watching a car crash and not being able to do anything about it. That's the way it felt for Chuck watching Blair from across the room. He looked at her. She looked at him. The tension, danger and fear was everywhere in their locked gaze. Neither moved, neither even attempted to. They just watched each other, both knowing that the crash was inevitable. As inevitable as they once had been. It wasn't that they no longer loved each other, it wasn't that at all. Their love could withstand anything, their relationship however could not. Maybe that's what Blair had meant when she told him that she would stand by him through anything. The darkest thought he'd ever have the worst thing he'd ever do... 

"_I never thought that the worst thing you'd do would be to me"_

He could still hear her echoing sobs, her angry tears. Could still feel the sting of her hand against his face. It would never be enough for him to apologise. But she was his everything, he wasn't sure if he could lose her, she'd always been there, always.

Without realising it, he had made his way across the room. He was standing in front of her; he was reaching for her hand. She didn't push him away, she let him touch her. Only Chuck could notice the slight shiver as they touched, he always noticed. They belonged together, Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck...

His head was swimming.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again once he realised there was nothing to say. Nothing that could fix this. She looked at him for a moment before her eyelids fluttered downwards. She couldn't even look at him.

He was about to try again, when she suddenly looked up at him, some sort of realisation in her eyes.

"You weren't lying when you told me that this was all a game"

He couldn't comprehend for a long moment. And then the memory rushed back. _"It's just a game, I hate to lose, you're free to go" _

"No Blair-"

"You'll never understand how much I loved you Chuck."

The past tense of her words scared him. Scared him beyond belief. He'd lost everyone who he had loved, his father, his mother, and now Blair. The prospect of losing her was incomprehensible. The memories were screaming at him.

"_I love you Chuck and I will always be your family"_

"_You carry people, you carry me. You're becoming a man in a way your father never was"_

"_Three words, eight letters, say it and i'm yours"_

"_What do we have Chuck?"_

"_Don't you understand? I'll always be here! I don't want you going anywhere"_

"_I love you so much, it consumes me" _

"_But can you say it twice?" _

"_I have you, that's all I need" _

He could feel her slipping away from him. They had always been so close, so intertwined, he could usually read every expression on her beautiful face; understand every movement of her perfect body, every word leaving those precious lips. But this time he didn't understand any of it, her voice was cold, her words calm and he was scared. His heartbeat was increasing; his breath was rapid, his throat burning. And somehow, somehow he just knew that this time he'd gone too far, and he felt sick. He never thought that it would be possible to lose Blair once she'd become his. They could stand by each other through anything after all. How could he have been so completely blind? He studied her face wordlessly, noticed the not quite dry eyes and the slightly trembling lips, and it took everything in him, not to hold her. A look of disgust swept angrily across her face and Chuck knew Blair well enough to know it was not disgust at him but herself. And he had made her think that. He wanted to get away, get outside, go somewhere, anywhere. He could not physically take the guilt anymore. But he knew that if he walked away now, that it would be the last time. She was looking at him expectantly. He managed to choke out

"I can't lose you"

The words stuck in the air, awkward and pointless and overwhelmed in want and hope and complete truth. Blair's expression didn't change.

"You already have"

She kissed him, carefully, sweetly, a promise of goodbye. And then she walked away, walked out of his life. And Chuck let her. The car had crashed, and he hadn't been able to stop it. He numbly found his way to a seat, closed his eyes, and willed for the darkness to take him away.


End file.
